Antique Shop - Omake
by Fran KT
Summary: Because, why not? We can't write serious stuff all the time, anyway.
1. Spinx cats are fugly

**A/N: Hi guys, I started this as a distraction when I hit some random writer's block on Antique Shop and I actually had fun with this. It's not serious work and most of it is silly but hey, we can't be serious 100% of the time anyways. There will be an omake per chapter and, as you can see, I have some catching up to do.**

 **Enjoy!**

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1.- Sphynx cats are fugly

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Scene #1

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Author walking down the street: So Fleurmione is not that bad, huh [turns to look at Antique Shops] hey, what about writing about…

 _The author got the original idea and rushed home after work to write a small summary._

Author: Excellent! Now let's work on this!

Gabrielle: …I am not my sister nor Hermione, why I am here?

Author: because I needed to start somewhere, besides you kick ass [frowns] do you want me to kill you here? [points at chapter 1]

Gabrielle: Not really [reads first scenes] hey you are right, I kick some serious ass.

Author: So, you like it?

Gabrielle: I do! But save Colette, she is a good kid.

Author [had totally killed off Colette by then]: fiiiiine, but you owe me one.

Gabrielle [smiles cheekily]: fine by me

 _That is how Colette was saved. She was supposed to die on Antique Shop's original draft._

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Scene #2

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Author: Ok here is where you escape from the death eaters.

Gabrielle: [nods]

Death eaters: [nod]

Author sits in front of the laptop: K action!

 _Gabrielle runs and trips with a pair of misplaced shoes landing on her face._

Gabrielle: Merde, that hurt!

Author [glaring at all the staff]: whose are these? [points at the floor]

 _A shaky hand raises and a blonde teen gapes at the author._

Blonde: Mine, sorry.

Author [smiling wickedly]: What's your name again, sweetheart?

Blonde: Amélie, Gabrielle's second-degree cousin.

Author [giggles evilly]: good to know [turning to Gabrielle] are you ready to continue?

Gabrielle [shifting uncomfortably]: um…sure.

Author: Action!

 _Gabrielle hides and runs away from the death eaters and heads towards the dorms. There she found her second-degree cousin Amélie. She had been killed and moved towards her room._

Author: Excellent, let's head to the room to work on the next scene.

Gabrielle: Um, author?

Author: Yeah?

Gabrielle: Wasn't Amélie supposed to survive and help me escape?

Author [smiling cheekily]: Well, you see, if you interrupt my creative process with silliness, there's a big chance that you might have to be written out. So, let's work on the next part, shall we?

Gabrielle: [swallows hard] …sure…

 _That is how Amélie died for interrupting the author._

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Scene #3

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 _In Gabrielle's room._

Gabrielle: Accio Fleur's hat!

 _The hat didn't move._

Author [sighs]: why is it not moving?

Colette [blushing]: sorry I was stepping on the cable that moves the hat.

Author [glaring]: you are pushing your luck, little girl

Colette: [gulps]…sorry

 _Poor Colette is about to suffer the same luck as Amélie._

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Scene #4

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 _Author writing page 100._

Author: Ok so I have some crazy ideas for this one [looks at the ancient veela legend] this is perfect for the beginning of the chapters:

 _The long-time lost halves would finally find the way home,_

 _and their magie will reach the highest peak._

 _The blessed ones will be the carriers or reformation and peace._

Gabrielle: Did you notice that there's a typo on the last line?

Author: Oh, where? [grammar nazi mode: on]

Gabrielle: [chuckles] That's your job, not mine [leaves the author alone]

Author: You should help out, rude child!

 _That is why Gabrielle got severely injured on chapter 1. One should not leave the author go crazy with her typos._

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Scene #5

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Fleur: Isn't this a Fleurmione?

Hermione: so, when are we going to appear?

Author [gapes at Fleur and blushes when the blonde invades her personal space]: Um, next chapter?

Fleur [pats author on the head]: good answer.

 _Poor author has it hard to say no to her crush._

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 **A/N: Liked it? hated it? let me know in a review.**


	2. DNA experiment gone wrong

**A/N: Two omake in one day? Granted! [nine more to go]**

 **Thestral212: _Me escuchas, me oyes, me sientes?_ [stupid Thalia, lol]hahaha. Blondes are cute, those Delacour are just gorgeous. I wanted to laugh too so I wrote those short clips of nothing. I actually tend to have random thoughts while writing Antique so here they are. I am glad that you enjoyed them.**

 **Enjoy!**

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2.- DNA experiment gone wrong

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Scene #1

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Author: Oh yeah, I remember that I said that Bill and Ron were not bad guys but not the right ones for our girls.

Gabrielle: Why am I 'ere? I don't ever appear on this chapter.

Author: I have a question for you Gabs.

Gabrielle: Um…sure?

Author: Do you like Bill for your sister?

Gabrielle: The redhead loser? I 'ate him. Those Weasleys are all idiots.

Author with a lopsided smile: Very well then…

 _That is how Bill got written out of the fic. Gabrielle has some sort of evil influence on the author._

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Scene #2

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Bill: Good afternoon author.

Author [turns to look at Bill]: Yes? Can I help you?

Bill: Do I really need to die?

Author: Well, you were just killed so what's the point on asking that? You are basically a ghost now.

Bill's ghost: I see. But, why the hate :(?

Author: I don't hate you, but I don't like you either so…

Bill's ghost: Can at least have my body be sent to my family?

Author: Well, I am not a barbarian, you know. Oh, Fleur~

Fleur: Oui? [flips her hair]

Author [thinking]: _Does she have to be this cute? Damn you Hermione, lucky brat._

Fleur: Author?

Author [clears her throat]: Um yes, could you please take Bill's rotten corpse to his family?

Bill's ghost: Rotten? I was just killed

Fleur: Author, can you make it just a bit stiff and fresh, so it is easy to apparate? S'il vous plait? [smiles brightly at the author]

Author [blushes horribly]: I…I…sure

Fleur: Merci [disapparates with Bill's corpse]

Bill's ghost: Damn, author you have it bad for Fleur, huh

Author: Shut up.

 _The author is terribly smitten by Fleur._

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Scene #3

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Hermione: Hi author

Author [raising an eyebrow]: Yes? You are not up yet

Hermione: I wonder about that. Isn't this supposed to be a Fleurmione? Why not a Hermur?

Author: What the hell is a Hermur?

Hermione: Why always Fleur must go first in our pairing, we can totally be a Hermur.

Gabrielle: That sounds like uncleaned vomit.

Author: I agree.

Hermione: But I think it sounds good, doesn't it?

Author, Fleur, Gabrielle, Josephine, Apolline, Bellatrix, Bill's ghost, Ron and random passing death eaters: NO!

Hermione [rolling her eyes and raisin her hands in exasperation]: I am surrounded by idiots.

Gabrielle [gasping]: You just didn't say that.

Author with an evil aura surrounding her: idiots, huh. So be it.

 _Hermione will be puking a lot. And no, Hermur is just stupid. Fleurmione ftw._

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Scene #4

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 _At the Delacour villa._

Josephine: Fleur

Fleur: yes, grand-mère?

Josephine: What are you hiding there?

Fleur: no…nothing?

Author [sighs]: Ok let's stop here for a minute [turns to Josephine] Would it be possible to take some veela books?

Josephine: Fine, but four front that pile only [points at random books in a corner]

Author: Thank you madam Josephine.

Josephine: not a problem dear author.

 _Author grabs a book and hids it under her shirt before they went back to Shell Cottage._

Fleur: and we are back.

Author: Before we continue, here [hands the book to Fleur]

Fleur: _When veelas are blind and oblivious._

Author: keep it, you will need it in like 9 chapters, trust me.

Fleur smiles and hugs the author: merci, you are so kind.

 _Author faints due to blood loss._

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Scene #5

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Author: Ok so here you finally meet again, ready girls?

Fleur and Hermione nod.

 _They hug and then Hermione rushes to the bathroom._

Fleur: ugh, this headache.

Author: sorry about that, here [hands Fleur a glass of water and some pills] they are fast-acting pills, so you will be fine in a minute or so.

Fleur [smiles]: Merci

Author [blushes]: N…no pro…problem

 _The annoying Gryffindor comes back from the bathroom._

Hermione: Is there something I can take for this terrible nausea?

Author [shrugs her shoulders]: not really

 _Hermione sighs annoyed and leaves the room._

Gabrielle: Serves her right for calling us idiots.

Author [high fives with Gabrielle]: damn right.

 _That is why Hermione's nausea continues._

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 **A/N: Nobody said this is serious, just my ramblings, review?**


	3. Don't eat your tail, idiot

**A/N: So here's chap 3 of the omake. I will catch up with the main story as fast as possible, I promise.**

 **Thestral212: _Rotten corpse,_ well it's Bill, he is dead and honestly, nobody cares [I know that I don't]. Hermur is so eww, Hermione might be smart but she sucks at choosing names. Shhh, that tattoo part is for future omake. Of course, I am jealous, I want Fleur to be mine but not happening. **

**Perpetual Nonsense: Hehehe there are more coming so you continue having fun. Yup, I went with an anime approach on this one. I will keep them coming, no worries :D.**

 **pappa: Thanks!**

 **Enjoy!**

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3.- Don't eat your tail, idiot

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Scene #1

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Author: So here goes Bill's funeral. You people need to look all depressed and stuff. [looks up at the Sfx guy] gimme some gloomy mood there, man.

SFX guy: Sure, dark clouds and rain?

Author: Yup [turns back to her laptop and starts writing the chapter]

 _The next day was dark and rainy. Bill would be buried and Fleur was sad and vulnerable._

Author: Um Gabrielle?

Gabrielle: Oui? [giggling]

Author: Why are you laughing that much?

Gabrielle: You killed Bill. I am just so 'appy about that

Author [containing her evil laughter]: me too, Gabs, me too [turns back to her laptop] let's continue, shall we?

 _The next day during the funeral, Fleur could not hold her tears. Mrs. Weasley held her and hugged her whilst whispering comforting words to the French witch._

Gabrielle: who would believe that she was nice to Fleur? She 'ated her guts!

Author [hands a chocolate to Gabrielle]: here, have this and let me write. I am setting the mood here kid [keeps on writing while Gabrielle eats her treat]

 _Ron had Hermione close to his body and he kissed her forehead._

Suddenly Ron burst into flames.

Author [rubs her temples]: Um, Fleur?

Fleur: Oui, mademoiselle author?

Author: The Elemental fire had not been introduced yet.

Fleur: Je suis désolé, then [scoffs and looks away]

Author: Ok let's take a break of an hour [turns to Sfx guy] please tell makeup to come here and fix Ron somehow.

 _Sometimes it's hard to work with some hot and moody French people._

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Scene #2

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Author: Gabs, remember that you owed me one from chap 1?

Gabrielle: Oui

Author: Take this tray with chocolate éclairs and distract Fleur for the next twenty minutes.

Gabrielle: why?

Author: Just do it, please.

Gabrielle: You just want to justify making Hermione horny that she had to kiss Ron.

Author: Yeah but just help me out, pretty please?

Gabrielle [chuckles] Sure [takes the tray] Fleur, look what I got! Let's eat them over there [points at a far hill in the distance]

Fleur [smiles widely]: Fantastique! [Turns to Author] You don't need me for the next lines, right?

Author blushing: N…no, it…it's fine [making sure Fleur was far] Ok Ron, Hermione it's your turn to make out.

Ron: Finally! [Turns to the author] I wanted to thank you for not making me a prat on this fic and actually giving me quality time with _my_ girlfriend.

Author: Sure man, whatever [rolls her eyes] Now, Hermione.

Hermione: Yes?

Author: You know what to do, action!

 _There was Ron kissing Hermione passionately and with his hands trying to sneak under her shirt._

Random Fleur pops out of nowhere: What is the meaning of this, author?

Author [gulps]: Just go with it, please.

Fleur: You'd better give me time alone with 'ermione.

Author: I promise I will, and you will even kiss her, _in chapter 11_ [whispers to herself] take these pills for later n_n

Fleur [scowls]: Merci.

 _Fleur walks away and slams a door while Hermione scolds Ron before leaving him alone sulking._

Ron: So much for being nice, bloody author.

Author [glaring]: You wanna die that bad, kid?

Ron [nervous]: I was just kidding

 _Some people are walking on thin ice._

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Scene #3

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Hermione: Author, a word

Author [sighs]: yes, Hermione

Hermione [frowning]: it says here that Fleur will press her partially naked body against mine, but I am Ron's girlfriend.

Author: What part of Fleurmione you don't understand?

Hermione: but…

Author: Don't you think that Fleur is extremely hot?

Hermione [blushes]: she is

Author: So, what's the problem, then?

Hermione: I am faithful.

Author [hands chapter summary to Hermione]: does it say there that you are cheating?

Hermione: no…? But, what about the flashback?

Author: You liked that a lot, huh [Hermione blushes and nods shyly]

Hermione: can we do that flashback scene again?

Author: Oh, you want to kiss Fleur again, huh? [Raises an eyebrow]

Hermione: It is all for the sake of _your_ story, not that I like it or anything [folds her arms and looks away to hide her horrible blush]

Author [chuckling]: sure, whatever floats your boat, _liar_.

 _After that, Hermione did not seem to get the kissing scene right so it had to be done several times. The male cast had to be evicted from the set, it was just too hot for them to handle._

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Scene #4

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Author: Ok girls, we are going hiking so pack up what you need. Fleur, you will have a charmed backpack to carry your things.

Both Hermione and Fleur nodded.

Author: Hermione, please fix your drama with Ron before leaving. He is sleeping so leave him a note or something.

Hermione's face brightened: Will do!

 _That is how a breakup note was written. Although nobody would know until way later._

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Scene #5

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Gabrielle: So author, did you find the typo on the text I mentioned? You had a bunch on the previous chapter as well.

Author [sighs]: Yeah, I know, sorry I guess. In addition, about that specific typo, I just do not see it!

Gabrielle: but it is so obvious

Author: you won't tell me, right?

Gabrielle [smirking]: Nope.

Author: If you weren't so damn cool, I would write you out.

 _Typos are hell. Especially when you see them after posting._

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 **A/N:I am really having fun here between chapters of Antique. You can also make suggestions, this is an open space where crazy is possible. Review?**


	4. Dude, you need contacts

**A/N: One more along with some cookies,**

 **Thestral212: I love my girls but they are handful at times, Damn Hermione, I would kill to have Fleur but hey, she got lucky. Gabrielle is crazy and perfect the way she is.**

 **Enjoy!**

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4.- Dude, you need contacts

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Scene #1

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Author: So Hermione

Hermione: yes?

Author: How deep is that beaded bag anyways?

Hermione: Deep enough to hold your ego

Gabrielle: ow snap

Author raising an eyebrow: I see

 _And that's why Hermione will have blue balls for a long time._

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Scene #2

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Author sighing: Fleur?

Fleur: Yes, mademoiselle author?

Author: it says here that you can cook

Fleur: I…lied? [approaches the author with a wide smile and traces the author's face with a finger] would that be a problem?

Hermione [scoffs in the background] I don't think flirting would help you this time, _arrogant French_ [whispers to herself]

Author: Um…ah…ok, we will figure something out [blushing horribly]

Hermione scoffs

Author turning to Hermione: Do you have a sore throat or something?

Hermione: not really

Author: shut up then [turns to staff] we need a chef here asap

 _That's how Fleur was able to cook despite not knowing how._

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Scene #3

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Author: Hermione, a question

Hermione: Yes author?

Author [sighs]: Please tell me that you speak French

Hermione [frowning]: well, a bit?

Author: Ugh, I need you to be fluent

Hermione: why?

Author: Because reasons

Hermione [sighs]: that is not very specific

Author: Ok, if you need to know it is for the second part of the story.

Hermione: I will study then

Author [summons a sexy French tutor]: there you go, she will help you

Hermione [blushing]: oh…ok…hi?

 _The tutor burns to death by a random golden fire._

Author [rubbing her temples]: Why Fleur? Just tell me, why?

Fleur: She is not needed, I can teach 'ermione [smiles with mirth]

Author: Fine but stop using that fire, you are giving away so many spoilers.

Fleur [approaches the author with a wide smile]: would that be a problem?

Author [about to pass out]: Um, I don't know [blushes] maybe?

 _Fleur has the author wrapped around her finger._

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Scene #4

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Author: So Bellatrix, you are up

Bellatrix: Avada Kedavra!

 _Kills Hermione's stand-in_

Author: that is not the real Hermione, you crazy woman!

Bellatrix: Could you repeat that again?

Author: No?

Bellatrix: I thought so

 _The author is scared of Bellatrix and who would blame her?_

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Scene #5

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 _Maybe it is just her floral scent mixed with pine and earthy smell that is calming my senses._

 _I like it._

Hermione: Um, Author?

Author [sighs]: yes?

Hermione: I am not gay

Author: sure

Hermione: I am serious.

Author: Fleur?

Fleur: Oui, mademoiselle Author?

Author: Can you help me convince Hermione that she is oh so very gay?

Fleur: Of course [approaches Hermione swaying her hips seductively] 'ermione?

Hermione [blushes]: Y…yes?

Fleur: Are you sure you are not gay? [whispers by her ear]

Hermione [crimson face]: I…I…

Ron: She is my girlfriend, she can't be gay!

Author: Security! Remove that loser from here. People these days, really.

 _Turns to see Hermione making out with Fleur._

Author: So much for not being gay…

 _Who wouldn't fall for Fleur anyways? Nobody, that's it._

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 **A/N: 8 to go, almost there.**


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